Everybody's Wuthering for the Weekend

I can't remember if Mrs. Swezey or Mrs. Miller assigned Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights for English class at Buffalo Lake-Hector High School. But despite being a teenage bozo at the time, the thing that stayed with me is, "This is pretty horny for one of these things, isn't it?" Or at least more so than Moby Dick or Canterbury Tales.

For Valentine's Day, Mandy and I went to see the latest adaptation of the classic (not to brag, but I'm an AMC Stubs member). This one is called "Wuthering Heights" because the director, Emerald Ferrell, is an artiste or some bullshit. My observations below:

*There's no nudity and I don't even remember any swearing, but geez louise is this movie horny. There was an older couple there with their adult son and that HAD to be uncomfortable.

*Margot Robbie (Cathy) and Jacob Elordi (Heathcliff) are two of the best looking human beings you will ever see in your life.

*There are heaving bodices galore in this thing. Margot Robbie, I owe you an apology. I wasn't really familiar with your game.

*Two hours and 15 minutes is a long run time for a movie without any high speed chases or guys in capes.

*They had a budget for fog in this film and they fuckin' used it.

*We usually do matinees or discount nights because we're empty nesters and we do what we want, but this was Saturday night so it was full price for everything. Two tickets, popcorn, two drinks: $65. We did not save money by not going out to eat.

*The movie deviated pretty significantly from the source material (I don't think Emily Bronte used Charli XCX for the soundtrack, for one), if that's a thing that bothers you.

*For two, the book's Heathcliff is described as "a dark-skinned gipsy" and let me tell you, Jacob Elordi ain't that. To paraphrase Terry Rozier, Heathcliff should've hooped instead of trying to torture Cathy 'cause he tall as hell!

*Final review: 3 1/2 bodices out of a possible 5.

*The best adaptation, in this newsletter's opinion, is not the 1939 version with Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon, but rather Kate Bush's 1978 debut single:

(It is my sincerest wish that the kids who got into "Running Up That Hill" from Stranger Things hear the above and other Kate songs and turn into true art-damaged weirdos, it will make the world a better, more interesting place.)

Housekeeping/Appleton, WI Beer Recommendations

I think I mentioned I was going to Arizona for a couple weeks. If I didn't, I am leaving tomorrow night. It's not lost on me that thanks to the freakishly warm weather here it's only ten degrees warmer there, but winter's not done with us yet and there are more Spring Training games in Scottsdale.

This means that I might take a travel day this week. If you notice no content/meager content on Wednesday, that's why.

I know I mentioned the subscription rates/paywall on Friday, and my friend Scott said that he'd like to see the Midwest Excellence T-shirt before committing to the $10/month level. An excellent point, and I will share it with you once my crack design team has it mocked up. This also means this newsletter will be free this week as well. I am a Terrible Businessman.

FYI, Scott brews beer at Vault 202 Brewery in Appleton, WI, which has an actual vault:

Scott's brewing pedigree includes Town Hall in Minneapolis and Denver's Station 26. I recommend it!

See you tomorrow.