He Used to Be a Meme

If you like sports, this weekend was fantastic. If you don't, well, I'm sorry? I'll talk about something else on Tuesday.

SUPER BOWL

Seattle ran away from New England, winning 29-13 in a game that would have been even less close if the Seahawks could have converted some early field goals into touchdowns.

Sam Darnold was merely fine, but with a smothering defense and an MVP performance from running back Kenneth Walker III, it was more than enough. If only the Vikings had a merely fine quarterback to go with their smothering defense...you know what, it's best not to think about it.

You're thinking about it right now, aren't you? Try not to, there's still a few more months of winter left and it'll break you if you let it.

I'm happy for Sam. No one should have to play for the New York Jets. It's unfair. He basically had a Brett Favre-type year for the Vikings and didn't defraud the state of Mississippi while doing so. He was a punchline. Now he's a champion.

HALFTIME

That was awesome. I am not the target demo for Bad Bunny. He's the most streamed artist in the world who isn't Taylor Swift, he doesn't need me or my fellow middle-aged dads at all. Nor should he! But that was a party. We used to have to watch Maroon 5 or Up With People. This is better.

(I'm pretty sure my dad thinks his name is Brad Bunny. I desperately want this to be true.)

Also, if you're complaining about a language barrier, you sure as shit had better not have put "99 Luftballoons" or "Rock Me Amadeus" (or "Psycho Killer" or "Lady Marmalade" for that matter) on a mixtape back in the day. Please, for the love of god, get real problems or a hobby.

(As for the "alternative" halftime show, we only recognize the Puppy Bowl in this house. There was a dog called Chappell Bone this year. Well done.)

ADS

Everyone at our Super Bowl party booed the crypto ad. My wife liked the Dunkin' Donuts one. And I think we need to stop de-aging celebrities to sell mortgages or Pepsi or whatever. It's off-putting and I don't like it. Just my opinion.

FOOD

Our hosts requested everyone bring something from an immigrant-owned restaurant or market, which meant the spread was legit. El Burrito Mercado, La Costa, Dragon Star, Boca Chica, Afro Deli, and Shish were all represented. Please support these spots if you're local.

OLYMPICS

For at least a half-hour on Sunday afternoon, my wife and I were engrossed in mixed doubles curling. Like, to the point that we were making fun of the male Swede's dumb haircut as he attempted to take out Team USA.

Have we ever watched mixed doubles curling before? No. Do we understand the scoring? HELL NO. Were we locked all the way in? Yes.

Other observations:

*There's built different, and then there's barreling down a hill with a torn ACL knowing what might happen if just one thing goes wrong.

*Breezy Johnson is an incredible name.

*Although overused on the broadcast to the point of absurdity, I would like to be called "The Quad God" at some point. And as soon as I find out what a quad is, it's all over for the rest of you.

*This is what the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

TIMBERWOLVES

Lost two winnable games at home to the Clippers (ugh) and the Pelicans (UGH). I'd prefer not to talk about it. Let's just not.

See you tomorrow.