Hector Swimming Pool Bangers: 'Take It On the Run,' REO Speedwagon

Side One, Track Six

You can blame my generation for a lot of things. The hose water and lead paint chips did a number on our prefrontal cortexes, and we're all working through the fallout to this day.

That said, we recognized the galactic importance of a power ballad. For those unfamiliar, a power ballad is a slow to mid-tempo rock song, often performed by long-haired white men getting caught in their feelings. Their stock in trade is rocking and/or rolling all night and partying eh-vuh-ree day. But this one? This one is for the ladies and the prom committee and dozens upon dozens of unplanned pregnancies.

To put this in millennial terms, it's Boyz II Men silk shirt R&B brought to you by dudes who smoked cigs behind the bus garage in high school.

And while neither the first ("Stairway to Heaven" or "Dream On" or "Beth" all seem like valid answers) nor the best (it's "Sweet Child o' Mine" and I will not debate this, no disrespect to the late Jani Lane), REO Speedwagon understood the assignment better than most everyone.

The 'Wagon made their bones in every minor league hockey arena the Midwest had to offer in the '70s. They were in that critical mass of Older Brother Bands (Kansas, Styx, Foreigner, etc.) who, while not critically acclaimed, were the toast of the Quad Cities and Wichita and Fort Wayne. Lead singer Kevin Cronin claimed they could sell out Busch Stadium in St. Louis but couldn't fill the Whisky a Go Go club in Los Angeles.

This changed with their 1980 album Hi Infidelity, which local music journalist Steve Hyden calls "divorce rock" and I'm very upset that I didn't coin that term.

Basically, they built the entire plane out of power ballads.

It was a massive hit, with "Take It On the Run" being one of two giant singles from the record (more on the other below). The protagonist heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another that someone has set their Facebook relationship status to "complicated." Thank god he has all these guitars and a soaring chorus to help him process it.

I unironically loved it then. I unironically love it now. I welcome your judgment.

"Take It on the Run" peaked at number 5 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1981. The 'Wagon would not be done filling our nation's strategic reserves of Grown-Ass Men Rocking Emotionally, but this was their high-water mark. If you're about 5-10 years younger than me, I'll surmise that "Can't Fight This Feeling" is your preferred REO experience, and I respect that.

They have rolled with the changes (get it?) in the decades since, as this list of REO Speedwagon members confirms. While the REO Speedwagon name is technically retired, Cronin recently led The Kevin Cronin Band on a tour with whatever's left of Styx and former Eagle Don Felder, playing all the hits.

Bonus Tracks

The other HUGE song off this record is "Keep On Loving You," which I am convinced increased Bic Lighter sales by 127% in 1980. The video is like a Lonely Island sketch without any jokes:

Pitbull and Enrique Iglesias used "Take It On the Run" as the basis for their 2017 single, "Messin' Around." It is fucking terrible.

Finally, Cabin in the Woods is my favorite horror movie of the last 20-ish years, and I appreciate its use of "Roll with the Changes" at an office party that's about to take a turn.

Getting the guy from The West Wing to say "I just think it would have been cooler with a merman" is cinema, to me.