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I’ve always said that if I didn’t need to use Facebook for work, I wouldn’t use Facebook. And Facebook has done a remarkable job of not disabusing me of this notion.

When the brewery laid me off, I thought one of the silver linings was that I was finally free of Facebook. Spending a good chunk of the last decade monitoring and/or responding to the comments on that platform in particular hasn’t been what one would call "fun." 

(For those who care about such things, the pro-union comments during the failed Surly union drive were mean but usually clever; the anti-union comments during the failed Surly union drive were mean but usually written by men who never developed object permanence.)

My otherwise rewarding decision to start Midwest Excellence came with the grim realization that if I wanted to get more eyeballs on the thing, Facebook was a necessary evil. It’s free, and if something gets traction, the algorithm notices, and a little virality can go a long way to building and growing an audience.

But you get what you pay for.

The algorithm favors stuff that makes you look AND that keeps you on Facebook. The best way to make you look is to make you feel really good or really bad. Mostly bad, and always angry.

I can write SOMALI DAYCARE FUNDS USED TO PAY FOR CHARLIE KIRK’S MURDER?, something that’s obviously false, but there are scores of bots and angry losers who’ll amplify it, especially if I use some AI slop picture that demonstrates “proof” of the claim. I’d add LIKE OR SHARE IF YOU AGREE to pump the numbers up a bit. That will attract people who make the mistake of disputing said claim just because it isn’t true, which gets the “debate” underway and the comments roiling. The algorithm notices, and feeds the absurd lie to more people. Then I’d fill my pockets with heavy stones and walk into the nearest body of water.

If you think that’s too absurd an example, real things I’ve seen posted in the last month of being on Facebook too much include:

*Peyton Manning stopping bullies from harassing a grocery store employee (obvious AI picture seen above).

*Kid Rock's latest tour drawing bigger audiences than Taylor Swift's Eras Tour.

*Donald Trump to issue massive refund checks from the tariff savings.

None of these things are true. None of these things are ever going to be true. Truth is so irrelevant to this discussion I’m embarrassed to mention it. But are they going to make you look? Are they going to make you righteously angry? Enough to spend more time on Facebook commenting on it? Good, because Facebook is going to sluice more content EXACTLY LIKE THIS into your content hole. Just keep scrolling. Always, always scrolling.

It's a bad place that makes people crueler and dumber. Ideally, someday soon, you won't see me on it very often, because we both don't need it any longer. If somebody makes a spreadsheet of everyone else's birthdays that sends notifications we could probably kill that fucking site dead.

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