The Midwest Excellence Awards and RIP The Gillyweeds Except Not Really

The 98th Academy Awards were held Sunday night. I made it through almost 2/3 of the broadcast! In honor of that feat of endurance, I offer you the Midwest Excellence Awards, which honors the real winners of this year's ceremony.

BEST AWARD THAT I AGREED WITH: Amy Madigan, Best Supporting Actress, Weapons. First of all, Weapons was the most fun I've had at a theater in years and should have had a Best Picture nomination. I am a card-holding AMC Stubs member! That means something, man. The last 10 minutes were so funny. I know it's a horror movie, whatever.

Secondly, Amy Madigan was John Candy's girlfriend in Uncle Buck. I love Uncle Buck. And people are going to be dressing up as Gladys on Halloween for the next 200 decades. That's a good sign that she nailed the part.

BEST HOST: Conan O'Brien. I don't know, he's just really good at this kind of thing. Do I wish he would bring out the Walker: Texas Ranger Lever during Hollywood's Night to Shine? Yes.

The above clip is 13 minutes long and it's not nearly long enough.

BEST THING THAT GOT TO ME: The tribute to Rob Reiner. I'm officially of the age where the room gets extremely dusty when there's an In Memoriam segment. Is it because I had kids? Is it because the people dying aren't that much older than I am? It it because I'm a soft little baby who needs a nappy nap? All three, likely.

You don't need me to vouch for Reiner's filmography--The Princess Bride, Stand By Me, When Harry Met Sally, The Sure Thing, and Spinal Tap, all in a five-year period. Speaks for itself.

Instead, when Billy Crystal mentioned his role in making marriage equality happen, that got to me. Reiner and his wife Michele worked tirelessly to overturn California's Prop 8, which banned gay marriage.

We live in an era where people with money and power like Elon Musk are, to put it as kindly as I am capable of, motherfucking white power scumbag fucks. And I know it's always kind of been like that, but they don't even attempt to hide it with charitable foundations or flattering press releases. They're just out there, being grotesque and awful and making our lives worse every fucking second of every fucking day.

By contrast, Reiner used his money and power to make things a little better, a little fairer. It's a legacy worth celebrating.

Mandy would like me to note that he was also really good as Jess's dad on New Girl.

BEST THING THAT HAPPENED AFTER I WENT TO BED: Jessie Buckley, Best Actress for Hamnet. I haven't seen this movie! But since Chase Infiniti wasn't nominated at all for her work in One Battle After Another, I'm fine with it because she nailed the Minnesota accent in Fargo.

The editorial policy of Midwest Excellence is that the Minnesota accent is very real, and the people who say "we don't talk like that" need to go live in, like, Pierz for six months.

BEST RED CARPET THING: Nick Cave. He's both a tremendous songwriter and also a vampire.

BEST PICTURE WITH AN ASTERISK: Paul Thomas Anderson's One Battle After Another. Had I three thumbs, I would have given it three thumbs up. I've also not seen half the competition, but of the ones I viewed, they got it right. I would have given Supporting Actor to Benicio del Toro over Sean Penn, because I know I'll be saying "A few small beers" the rest of my natural life.

Maybe I'll like Hamnet or Frankenstein or F1 better, but I doubt it.

If OBAA wasn't your jam, you can always pretend this is a make-good for not even nominating PTA's Boogie Nights in 1998. What a movie.

Local Fake Band Dies in Fake Plane Crash

On Facebook yesterday, the page for local bluegrass band The Gillyweeds posted the tragic news that all six members had perished in a plane crash.

The thing is, plane crashes are pretty newsworthy, so why wasn't there any coverage of it? And also, how come I've never heard of local bluegrass band The Gillyweeds? I go to a lot of shows!

As it happens, the plane crash wasn't real, nor was the band. It was all AI. Isn't AI great?

Lawyer friend Bill from yesterday's newsletter and concert friend Kyle from 95% of all the gigs I attend are both quoted in Ross Raihala's wild Pioneer Press story. Gift link.

See you tomorrow!